Michelle Cookson
Posted October 29, 2009 at 3:12 AM
It saddens me SO much to hear about, read about and see this going on in my neighborhood. Most affecting for me is the entire “domain name” argument. Clearly, people have been hurt, emotions have run beyond ration, and I honestly feel compassion for everyone. Believe me or not- I don’t care. I live here, and once upon a time, put my heart and soul into this organization, this neighborhood and rehabbing my long neglected home. I have had great joy, successes and very positive experiences in Seminole Heights. But, I HAVE to say, there is a lot of opinion and maybe people who “weigh in” on subject matter with the pretense of knowledge, which is (from my perspective and real world professional expertise) not much more than emotional reaction.
In 2001, when in the midst of a conversation of great frustration and heartfelt angst over so very much “negativity” over the neighborhood (both internally, and especially in regards to the outward perception of the area), my business partner and I started to talk about how we visualized how it could be different, better and larger than pettiness. We are web developers, so we often take these thoughts to creative visions of online representations of our vision. We were talking about how very SAD it was that there was divisiveness and ill will between 3 neighborhood organizations- and at the street level too. Talk ran to “this area was “good”, this one “sucked”, was “ghetto” etc. It broke our hearts for we saw the collective, amazing reality of an historic neighborhood, still full of historically contributing classic bungalows, even after having a major interstate highway rammed through the heart of it, a gorgeous thick tree canopy, a central location, and a unique, vibrant, diverse and energetic populace. We were here because we CHOSE this neighborhood, and WANTED to be here- not because it was our financial second choice, and South Tampa was our dream, etc.
So, we did a domain search, and saw that the domain name seminoleheights.com was available for purchase. So, we bought it, and set out on building an online environment we hoped would build into an online community, and a POSITIVE brand for our neighborhood, outside of our streets. And, also, to provide an advertising medium not only for residents but as a central starting point for those OUTSIDE the neighborhood to view Seminole Heights- and learn more about it, realize maybe it wasn’t that “bad area” that they’d heard about. This was pre-housing boom and all the flippers from Carrollwood and other places. This was a time of dedicated, old house lovers discovering the neighborhood- and loving it (another round of what many before us had already done).
We were blown away by what this simple business decision set into motion. The reaction to the fact that we as individuals owned this domain was MIND BOGGLING- as it was based in anything but knowledge of the subject, and laden with white hot hatred and anger- wtf? I had to spend massive energy explaining that any open domain name is just that- on an open market, and available for purchase. Long time ago, and there were some sad, unfortunate incidents that came out of it, as we smiled, pretended we didn’t hear the TRASH TALK that flowed on about us (and we did hear it- make no mistake), and forged on. We actively supported the OSHNA Home Tour (as active committee members/volunteers) but also spent considerable energy, time and our meager funds on supporting what we could financially, and strived to be INCLUSIVE, focused on presenting the ENTIRE neighborhood- and it’s entire boundaries, and ALL it’s neighborhood associations.
So, forgive me, for after trying very hard to find consensus and work with very many angry people talking about things, incidents, perceived slights, etc from many years prior, I burnt out and quit my involvement, after trying SO very hard to build bridges (in that day, there was long standing animosity between the old SH business alliance and OSHNA- and many examples of outright un-neighborly behavior towards South SH and Especially, Southeast SH).
How truly SAD it is to see the same old tired fights and nastiness being played out today- and the tampa media being brought into it, and doing nothing but serving their daily need to serve up “dish”. That has very damaging effects; i have always expressed how it amazed me that some people did not comprehend this concept, and the seeming unawareness of the power of impression, PR, and “brand”. This activity serves a reporter for a deadline, but negatively impacts your property values.(think about it- pull back, broad view, long term…bad effect)
Where does it end?
Have folks thought to stop a moment, and realize how our neighborhood looks DOWNTOWN? the LARGER picture for us as vested homeowners in Seminole Heights is we have REAL, practical political considerations that reach far beyond our river to the north, west, MLK to south and 22nd St to the east boundaries.
SO very many people who could ADD so much to this neighborhood by participating in its THREE neighborhood associations are turned off and don’t get involved because they read this, they hear this, and they think- “why bother?” they see nothing but (from their perspective) a replay of some feuding cliques, and they have been there, done that- long ago (usually in high school). This very impression has been verbalized to me too many times to count. i gave up on trying to get others involved, and dropped out myself.
If you so choose, attack me all you want- it doesn’t matter. I live here- have for 12 years- and I will still be here. My roots are established; i’m vested and there is NO other place in Tampa Bay i would choose to live.
But, late at night, when you’re wiped out and tired, and hopefully ready to be done with all this- that is the moment where you can LET GO of what has come before, and MOVE ON to what could (and should) be.
Overall, none of this arguing is “these are the good guys” and “these are the bad guys” in REALITY. It’s EGOs that are running the entire show. and it’s reached snake eating it’s tail status. and it is heart breaking.
I wonder some days what Steve Gluckman would say…i miss how he could be passionate without personalizing the discussion, or relinquishing his perspective. I miss the days when the spirit of what he passionately encouraged (admittedly, in others doing the work- lol) was clear, concise, and a broader, larger view- that this is a SPECIAL place, worth learning about, PRESERVING, being engaged in, and being OPEN, broad minded, kind, caring, and dedicated to the larger vision of what is best for its continued vibrancy.
We are human beings. We live together; like a family, we may not always agree…but we owe each other more than this anger-based treatment of each other. and, we can do better.
So- air it, vent it- i am not saying people shouldn’t speak their minds. But, there’s a cancer already present. and a good, long, hard, soul-searching look in the mirror would be good. it can be done privately. it can be done with or without verbalization. but, honestly, if some paradigm shift doesn’t happen, everyone loses- in the big picture.
what is more important? to always be “right”, but never be happy? find peace – find what you need to deal with others that just never rub you the right way. but, know, they will still be your neighbor tomorrow.
as will I. I will never, ever be any less in LOVE with my neighborhood. I bore folks to death with my boosterism of it. How all my fellow neighbors choose to live their lives here is beyond my control…but, know this- all of us, as individuals, we will move on, and pass on. And, these red brick streets, these sheltering oaks will push upward, and go on.
We are but stewards, and temporary. It’s be nice if we could live in the moment – this one, right now- and make the most of our so very fortunate location on this piece of dirt in central Tampa. It’s a thought…and it could be our reality.
_________________
Jeff,
I wanted to respond to another point you raised in your post. You make the statement, ” When compromise is used as a tool of aggression, it does not heal a divide. You cannot hold out an open hand and expect it to be accepted when you hold a knife in the other”. I wondered if this was your thought when you sent out a legally threatening letter full of demands to Randy, Susan and Christie. Now I would call that an ultimatum, but that is not my point. You then made a half hearted attempt at some sort of mediation. I say half hearted since the lawyers were still your only backbone. To me that looks just like an open hand with a knife in the other. You were right about one thing, it didn’t heal any divide.
Yes, Stuart, I can see how you would think that. Prior to any of this action, your group made it clear that your actions were not negotiable, that you had possession of both domain names and we “were too slow”. The fact that we had this domain name on our articles of incorporation and were ready to submit when your side said we had to slow down and get more input. When we found out that you had used this compromise to just go ahead and register this domain name without any transparency or cooperation, it was clear to us (and this after many other disruptions your group had caused) that you did not have any intention of playing nice. The theft of the domain name was not the only action but it was the one that we decided was the end of the line.
The only way this starts to change is if both sides respect each other. I had approached you and your wife many times after the 2008 elections only to receive childish grunts. I personally had said “hello” to you to only have you turn away. And what did you say when I mentioned this to you in our discussion on conciliation, and how you said I had done nothing to heal the divide? You could only mention the one time that I didn’t say hello to you. Absolutely no introspection on the fact that you had never replied or even ventured a friendly gesture yourself.
You want to start? Make a gesture. Reach out with something other than threats and undermining. Why not release the domain name? Privately, most of you acknowledge that the way it was done was improper. Maybe you should start by reviewing your own actions.
Jeff,
I wanted to respond to another point you raised in your post. You make the statement, ” When compromise is used as a tool of aggression, it does not heal a divide. You cannot hold out an open hand and expect it to be accepted when you hold a knife in the other”. I wondered if this was your thought when you sent out a legally threatening letter full of demands to Randy, Susan and Christie. Now I would call that an ultimatum, but that is not my point. You then made a half hearted attempt at some sort of mediation. I say half hearted since the lawyers were still your only backbone. To me that looks just like an open hand with a knife in the other. You were right about one thing, it didn’t heal any divide.
Didn’t these guys JUST get elected? Why did they run? Surely they knew that it was going to be an ugly period. I don’t know any of the folks on either side of this mess, but running for an office that you quit a month later because things aren’t going your way . . . grandstanding much? You have failed to live up to what you told all the folks who voted for you.
None of these folks should be allowed to run ever again.
Your choice of words “ultimatum”, to represent what was presented at the last board meeting demonstrates the intransigent attitude the OSHNA board worked under last year, which now continues. This was not presented as a deal and that was stated clearly at the meeting. There were 2 persons being considered for this position. I encouraged the board to appoint someone outside of their comfort zone. This would be seen in a positive light and demonstrate that this board was indeed interested healing the divide which has consumed this neighborhood. It baffles me why anyone would see this as a bad thing. This was not something which would tip the balance of voting. As President you made statements to members which demonstrated utter disregard for individual expression of opinion. This led the board to long held the viewpoint that if you aren’t for us you must be against us. The inability of this board to realistically consider alternative ideas is shameful, and is the reason this neighborhood has degraded to infighting. It just so happens that your list of dissidents includes 3 past presidents of OSHNA. It stuns me how you can make these assertions and not consider that your own viewpoints might be part of the problem.
For the record, this resignation comes on the heels of a board meeting where an ultimatum was delivered that Kim Overman be the replacement for Eric Krause. When compromise is used as a tool of aggression, it does not heal a divide. You cannot hold out an open hand and expect it to be accepted when you hold a knife in the other. A true compromise would have started with sitting down with members from both sides. But one side of this dispute views themselves as perpetually aggrieved and they cannot think of anything except getting revenge. They see no wrong, no hypocrisy in their actions.
Even now, there is a concerted effort to make these resignations appear like they were associated with Eric Krause’s resignation. Like they all resigned together. Eric Krause resigned in the meeting prior to this one. He resigned because of this “other guy” nonsense. He looked straight at one person and that person has now resigned. Why try to play it the other way? This is just more of the old strategy: Burn the house down to save the ashes.
Wow, I had know idea my involvement could possibly be considered to have the sharpness of a knife. Jeff, I received notice of what was perceived as an ultimatum at 10:22pm the evening before the meeting to replace Eric’s trustee position. I read it and didn’t see it as an either/or offer. The next morning I was asked by Evan to respond to the notice. Here are exerpts of my response to all of the board members. I had hoped it would be accepted as a clear representation of my desire to begin the mending. So much for that.
Kimberly wrote:
Thank you for your e-mail and questions. As I will not be able to attend this evening and I have spoken with several members and board members about these issues, I have copied most for which I have email addresses. I am honored to have been asked by several members and board members to consider a board position. I am glad that several board members are interested in “brokering” a solution to the outstanding election issues. I can’t speak for Dirk as I have not spoken with him about his agreement to the Board’s offer to dismiss the 11/30 sanctions however I do believe Stuart has represented what he believes is a workable solution. I am glad to see that the conversation and offers have been considered. If the Board is willing to drop both the sanctions and $250 pay back of what I believe was an Election Committee expense, I believe it would position the Board, Dirk, and the membership to move on in a productive manner.
I realize we can not change the results of prior Board actions. It is critical that the Board establish protocol that promotes best practices by the Board and its committees. Hopefully, if the Board and those that agreed to conduct and participate in an election can heal their relationships, our community and its residents can return to focusing on enhancing OSHNA’s efforts to support our neighborhood and its membership. If appointed, that will be my focus. I, like many members, am tired of the “us and them” actions, words, and behavior that I, the membership, and the entire city has witnessed, and I will not tolerate it well if appointed. We all live and/or work here and we have a vested interest in working with each other openly with honor, honesty, and respect. As a Board elected to serve our community, it is important to remember the duty to serve. Without that, we will have no membership or board and our community will lose. Sincerely Kimberly Overman
sigh. once again (orig post: http://tommyseminoleheights.com/blog/2009/10/21/oshna-raises-questions-about-false-accusations/)
Michelle Cookson
Posted October 29, 2009 at 3:12 AM
It saddens me SO much to hear about, read about and see this going on in my neighborhood. Most affecting for me is the entire “domain name” argument. Clearly, people have been hurt, emotions have run beyond ration, and I honestly feel compassion for everyone. Believe me or not- I don’t care. I live here, and once upon a time, put my heart and soul into this organization, this neighborhood and rehabbing my long neglected home. I have had great joy, successes and very positive experiences in Seminole Heights. But, I HAVE to say, there is a lot of opinion and maybe people who “weigh in” on subject matter with the pretense of knowledge, which is (from my perspective and real world professional expertise) not much more than emotional reaction.
In 2001, when in the midst of a conversation of great frustration and heartfelt angst over so very much “negativity” over the neighborhood (both internally, and especially in regards to the outward perception of the area), my business partner and I started to talk about how we visualized how it could be different, better and larger than pettiness. We are web developers, so we often take these thoughts to creative visions of online representations of our vision. We were talking about how very SAD it was that there was divisiveness and ill will between 3 neighborhood organizations- and at the street level too. Talk ran to “this area was “good”, this one “sucked”, was “ghetto” etc. It broke our hearts for we saw the collective, amazing reality of an historic neighborhood, still full of historically contributing classic bungalows, even after having a major interstate highway rammed through the heart of it, a gorgeous thick tree canopy, a central location, and a unique, vibrant, diverse and energetic populace. We were here because we CHOSE this neighborhood, and WANTED to be here- not because it was our financial second choice, and South Tampa was our dream, etc.
So, we did a domain search, and saw that the domain name seminoleheights.com was available for purchase. So, we bought it, and set out on building an online environment we hoped would build into an online community, and a POSITIVE brand for our neighborhood, outside of our streets. And, also, to provide an advertising medium not only for residents but as a central starting point for those OUTSIDE the neighborhood to view Seminole Heights- and learn more about it, realize maybe it wasn’t that “bad area” that they’d heard about. This was pre-housing boom and all the flippers from Carrollwood and other places. This was a time of dedicated, old house lovers discovering the neighborhood- and loving it (another round of what many before us had already done).
We were blown away by what this simple business decision set into motion. The reaction to the fact that we as individuals owned this domain was MIND BOGGLING- as it was based in anything but knowledge of the subject, and laden with white hot hatred and anger- wtf? I had to spend massive energy explaining that any open domain name is just that- on an open market, and available for purchase. Long time ago, and there were some sad, unfortunate incidents that came out of it, as we smiled, pretended we didn’t hear the TRASH TALK that flowed on about us (and we did hear it- make no mistake), and forged on. We actively supported the OSHNA Home Tour (as active committee members/volunteers) but also spent considerable energy, time and our meager funds on supporting what we could financially, and strived to be INCLUSIVE, focused on presenting the ENTIRE neighborhood- and it’s entire boundaries, and ALL it’s neighborhood associations.
So, forgive me, for after trying very hard to find consensus and work with very many angry people talking about things, incidents, perceived slights, etc from many years prior, I burnt out and quit my involvement, after trying SO very hard to build bridges (in that day, there was long standing animosity between the old SH business alliance and OSHNA- and many examples of outright un-neighborly behavior towards South SH and Especially, Southeast SH).
How truly SAD it is to see the same old tired fights and nastiness being played out today- and the tampa media being brought into it, and doing nothing but serving their daily need to serve up “dish”. That has very damaging effects; i have always expressed how it amazed me that some people did not comprehend this concept, and the seeming unawareness of the power of impression, PR, and “brand”. This activity serves a reporter for a deadline, but negatively impacts your property values.(think about it- pull back, broad view, long term…bad effect)
Where does it end?
Have folks thought to stop a moment, and realize how our neighborhood looks DOWNTOWN? the LARGER picture for us as vested homeowners in Seminole Heights is we have REAL, practical political considerations that reach far beyond our river to the north, west, MLK to south and 22nd St to the east boundaries.
SO very many people who could ADD so much to this neighborhood by participating in its THREE neighborhood associations are turned off and don’t get involved because they read this, they hear this, and they think- “why bother?” they see nothing but (from their perspective) a replay of some feuding cliques, and they have been there, done that- long ago (usually in high school). This very impression has been verbalized to me too many times to count. i gave up on trying to get others involved, and dropped out myself.
If you so choose, attack me all you want- it doesn’t matter. I live here- have for 12 years- and I will still be here. My roots are established; i’m vested and there is NO other place in Tampa Bay i would choose to live.
But, late at night, when you’re wiped out and tired, and hopefully ready to be done with all this- that is the moment where you can LET GO of what has come before, and MOVE ON to what could (and should) be.
Overall, none of this arguing is “these are the good guys” and “these are the bad guys” in REALITY. It’s EGOs that are running the entire show. and it’s reached snake eating it’s tail status. and it is heart breaking.
I wonder some days what Steve Gluckman would say…i miss how he could be passionate without personalizing the discussion, or relinquishing his perspective. I miss the days when the spirit of what he passionately encouraged (admittedly, in others doing the work- lol) was clear, concise, and a broader, larger view- that this is a SPECIAL place, worth learning about, PRESERVING, being engaged in, and being OPEN, broad minded, kind, caring, and dedicated to the larger vision of what is best for its continued vibrancy.
We are human beings. We live together; like a family, we may not always agree…but we owe each other more than this anger-based treatment of each other. and, we can do better.
So- air it, vent it- i am not saying people shouldn’t speak their minds. But, there’s a cancer already present. and a good, long, hard, soul-searching look in the mirror would be good. it can be done privately. it can be done with or without verbalization. but, honestly, if some paradigm shift doesn’t happen, everyone loses- in the big picture.
what is more important? to always be “right”, but never be happy? find peace – find what you need to deal with others that just never rub you the right way. but, know, they will still be your neighbor tomorrow.
as will I. I will never, ever be any less in LOVE with my neighborhood. I bore folks to death with my boosterism of it. How all my fellow neighbors choose to live their lives here is beyond my control…but, know this- all of us, as individuals, we will move on, and pass on. And, these red brick streets, these sheltering oaks will push upward, and go on.
We are but stewards, and temporary. It’s be nice if we could live in the moment – this one, right now- and make the most of our so very fortunate location on this piece of dirt in central Tampa. It’s a thought…and it could be our reality.
_________________
It really could be our reality.
Brava!
Thanks Andrew, but sadly I take no joy or satisfaction whatsoever in that sigh. so sad.
PLEASE! Stop.
Jeff,
I wanted to respond to another point you raised in your post. You make the statement, ” When compromise is used as a tool of aggression, it does not heal a divide. You cannot hold out an open hand and expect it to be accepted when you hold a knife in the other”. I wondered if this was your thought when you sent out a legally threatening letter full of demands to Randy, Susan and Christie. Now I would call that an ultimatum, but that is not my point. You then made a half hearted attempt at some sort of mediation. I say half hearted since the lawyers were still your only backbone. To me that looks just like an open hand with a knife in the other. You were right about one thing, it didn’t heal any divide.
Yes, Stuart, I can see how you would think that. Prior to any of this action, your group made it clear that your actions were not negotiable, that you had possession of both domain names and we “were too slow”. The fact that we had this domain name on our articles of incorporation and were ready to submit when your side said we had to slow down and get more input. When we found out that you had used this compromise to just go ahead and register this domain name without any transparency or cooperation, it was clear to us (and this after many other disruptions your group had caused) that you did not have any intention of playing nice. The theft of the domain name was not the only action but it was the one that we decided was the end of the line.
The only way this starts to change is if both sides respect each other. I had approached you and your wife many times after the 2008 elections only to receive childish grunts. I personally had said “hello” to you to only have you turn away. And what did you say when I mentioned this to you in our discussion on conciliation, and how you said I had done nothing to heal the divide? You could only mention the one time that I didn’t say hello to you. Absolutely no introspection on the fact that you had never replied or even ventured a friendly gesture yourself.
You want to start? Make a gesture. Reach out with something other than threats and undermining. Why not release the domain name? Privately, most of you acknowledge that the way it was done was improper. Maybe you should start by reviewing your own actions.
Jeff,
I wanted to respond to another point you raised in your post. You make the statement, ” When compromise is used as a tool of aggression, it does not heal a divide. You cannot hold out an open hand and expect it to be accepted when you hold a knife in the other”. I wondered if this was your thought when you sent out a legally threatening letter full of demands to Randy, Susan and Christie. Now I would call that an ultimatum, but that is not my point. You then made a half hearted attempt at some sort of mediation. I say half hearted since the lawyers were still your only backbone. To me that looks just like an open hand with a knife in the other. You were right about one thing, it didn’t heal any divide.
Didn’t these guys JUST get elected? Why did they run? Surely they knew that it was going to be an ugly period. I don’t know any of the folks on either side of this mess, but running for an office that you quit a month later because things aren’t going your way . . . grandstanding much? You have failed to live up to what you told all the folks who voted for you.
None of these folks should be allowed to run ever again.
Your choice of words “ultimatum”, to represent what was presented at the last board meeting demonstrates the intransigent attitude the OSHNA board worked under last year, which now continues. This was not presented as a deal and that was stated clearly at the meeting. There were 2 persons being considered for this position. I encouraged the board to appoint someone outside of their comfort zone. This would be seen in a positive light and demonstrate that this board was indeed interested healing the divide which has consumed this neighborhood. It baffles me why anyone would see this as a bad thing. This was not something which would tip the balance of voting. As President you made statements to members which demonstrated utter disregard for individual expression of opinion. This led the board to long held the viewpoint that if you aren’t for us you must be against us. The inability of this board to realistically consider alternative ideas is shameful, and is the reason this neighborhood has degraded to infighting. It just so happens that your list of dissidents includes 3 past presidents of OSHNA. It stuns me how you can make these assertions and not consider that your own viewpoints might be part of the problem.
For the record, this resignation comes on the heels of a board meeting where an ultimatum was delivered that Kim Overman be the replacement for Eric Krause. When compromise is used as a tool of aggression, it does not heal a divide. You cannot hold out an open hand and expect it to be accepted when you hold a knife in the other. A true compromise would have started with sitting down with members from both sides. But one side of this dispute views themselves as perpetually aggrieved and they cannot think of anything except getting revenge. They see no wrong, no hypocrisy in their actions.
Even now, there is a concerted effort to make these resignations appear like they were associated with Eric Krause’s resignation. Like they all resigned together. Eric Krause resigned in the meeting prior to this one. He resigned because of this “other guy” nonsense. He looked straight at one person and that person has now resigned. Why try to play it the other way? This is just more of the old strategy: Burn the house down to save the ashes.
Wow, I had know idea my involvement could possibly be considered to have the sharpness of a knife. Jeff, I received notice of what was perceived as an ultimatum at 10:22pm the evening before the meeting to replace Eric’s trustee position. I read it and didn’t see it as an either/or offer. The next morning I was asked by Evan to respond to the notice. Here are exerpts of my response to all of the board members. I had hoped it would be accepted as a clear representation of my desire to begin the mending. So much for that.
Kimberly wrote:
Thank you for your e-mail and questions. As I will not be able to attend this evening and I have spoken with several members and board members about these issues, I have copied most for which I have email addresses. I am honored to have been asked by several members and board members to consider a board position. I am glad that several board members are interested in “brokering” a solution to the outstanding election issues. I can’t speak for Dirk as I have not spoken with him about his agreement to the Board’s offer to dismiss the 11/30 sanctions however I do believe Stuart has represented what he believes is a workable solution. I am glad to see that the conversation and offers have been considered. If the Board is willing to drop both the sanctions and $250 pay back of what I believe was an Election Committee expense, I believe it would position the Board, Dirk, and the membership to move on in a productive manner.
I realize we can not change the results of prior Board actions. It is critical that the Board establish protocol that promotes best practices by the Board and its committees. Hopefully, if the Board and those that agreed to conduct and participate in an election can heal their relationships, our community and its residents can return to focusing on enhancing OSHNA’s efforts to support our neighborhood and its membership. If appointed, that will be my focus. I, like many members, am tired of the “us and them” actions, words, and behavior that I, the membership, and the entire city has witnessed, and I will not tolerate it well if appointed. We all live and/or work here and we have a vested interest in working with each other openly with honor, honesty, and respect. As a Board elected to serve our community, it is important to remember the duty to serve. Without that, we will have no membership or board and our community will lose. Sincerely Kimberly Overman
Merry Christmas